For a while now, I've been struggling to be everything to everybody. Michael needs me; JD needs me, and I know God wants me to be my best for Him. Then there's this idea in my head of who I want to be. I want to keep up with my quiet times; I want to eat healthier and excersize more often; I want to stay on top of house work; I want to read and publish more; I want to cook more often for the family. But I just can't measure up! It's been so frustrating wanting so many things and finding myself exhaused at the end of every day, checked out in front of the TV. But then I had this ridiculous epiphany in the shower the other day: I'm enough for God. He isn't demanding anything from me; He is happy with who I am and what time we do spend together. Everything else is for ME, not Him. It's such an obvious reality, and yet I've been going through a period of always feeling that I'm letting Him down and not doing enough. I can't let those feelings keep me from God though. I need to acknowledge them and move forward, knowing that He is not creating my guilt. I am enough. He demands nothing. I guess it's like the feeling you get when someone you love doesn't seem to be living up to her potential (maybe a cousin or two of ours?). It can be frustrating, but you only want the best for that person, not for that person to act a certain way because it really affects you. Maybe that's how God feels. He accepts me for who I am and what I can bring to our relationship, but He wants so much more for me, not for Him. Again, I realize that this is one of those things that brand new Christians usually come to understand, but it goes to show that even those who have been Christians for 21 years need reminders now and then.